Because I Said So

And Now. A Man.

Within 3 seconds of him being placed on my swollen belly, he was sucking his fist. The Dr. said it looked like he had been doing that for a while now, even though he was less than one minute old. Born on a Friday - on exactly the day he was due. This would prove to be the last time he would be so compliant.

Growing into a somewhat accident-prone child for the first few years, and then into a would-be car thief (he could identify which was the car from a wad of keys by age 3…before the days of those big black things!), he eventually settled out to be a bright, opinionated and headstrong child who challenged us at every turn…and made me laugh in private, because he was everything I had hoped for and didn’t dare to let him know.

His life was a challenge, though I’m not sure he would admit that to anyone. His parents divorced, his sister died, and he had to share a tiny, cracker box bedroom with two additional brothers. But he persevered, making it through high school, college and into real life – thankfully, without making any major mistakes.

He might tell you his mother was the challenge – she was the flighty, spontaneous, ditzy, disorderly one, still trying to find her way in the world when he was young.  He is the deep thinker, proper and linear in the way he does things.  He and I clashed, sometimes many times a day… I wish in those times I could have told him how much I loved who he was becoming. He didn’t want to hear me, and I think I didn’t want him to know how desperately I wanted him to love me.

Luckily for both of us, we grew up.

And now, thirty-three years later (how did that happen??) he is a husband, father and business owner. His parenting skills are far more developed than mine were at his age, and yet he will undoubtedly be challenged by his offspring at some point – it is God’s way of keeping order in the generations of the world.

On the eve of his birthday, and with Mother’s Day just around the corner, I once again reflect on that tiny fist-sucking newborn and thank God that He gave me a chance to be a mother to such an amazing human being.

I love you, Christian – and maybe, just maybe, when you are as old as I am now, you will understand how much. Happy Birthday!