Because I Said So

ROOTS AND WINGS

Wed, 09 May 2012 18:29:44 -0600

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, and since it is almost Mother’s Day I figure this is a good time to get it down.

I have 3 grown sons. They own 3 houses in different states. They have 3 passports. A couple of weekends from now, they will simultaneously be in New York, Arizona and Canada.

What does it take for a Mother to give her children roots and wings? If I knew for sure, I would write a book and make you buy it to find out!

I do know it takes two parents – engaged in their children’s lives all the time; playing with them, teaching them, loving them disciplining them, discipling them, BEING with them. I also know that all of those things don’t guarantee a kid will turn out any better than one who lives with one parent who hardly knows he/she exists.

As their Mother, I have had to fight my fears with all my human capabilities. To have boys means to have 1) blood, 2) stitches, 3) casts, etc (you get the drift). They are at once tender and terrifying; at once testing the limits and looking for the boundaries. They have no fear; only curiosity… of everything in life.

I am grateful that my boys talk to me, call me (usually without even being prompted by Dad!), and even occasionally seek my advice. The also ‘roll their eyes’ when I give unsolicited advice – they think I don’t see it, but I have eyes in the back/front/around my head.

Prayer has become my constant companion – and comfort. I have no control over what they choose to do with their lives – whether dangerous, delightful or challenging. I have put them in planes, in cars, in college, and in control of their own destiny….and turned my back to them so they don’t see me crying in pain…and fear…and proud elation at what they have chosen to do with their lives.

And I know without a doubt that they will be back to my side as fast as any transportation can get them to me when I need them.

I believe that is what Roots and Wings are all about. So, Happy Mother’s Day to me – they are THE BEST present I could ever have hoped to receive!

A study in personal contrasts.

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 21:06:31 -0600

Yesterday, friends of ours drove their 15-year old to a Christian drug rehab program. He will stay there for 90 days and, we all hope, return to our community healed of his drug and alcohol addictions. This Christian family with 4 children is struggling to understand what has happened to their beloved first son who, despite all their efforts, cannot or will not stop abusing.

Today, I was given a priceless gift from my first son, in the form of written words. This child, who might have befallen the same fate at that young age, instead chose the path of right living. No he wasn’t a saint, but he managed to grow himself into righteous human being. His talent - no, gift - for expressing his intellect, emotions and ideas in writing will no doubt be his legacy for his own children.

Two sons, two fates.

I am honored and humbled to receive the precious gift from my son.

I am heartbroken for my friends.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

PS - in case you want to read what he wrote.

All this and a broken finger, too

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 10:43:19 -0700

Sunday was a ‘free’ day at all the National Parks in the nation. Marc and I decided to head out to see some great park treasures just outside our back door (almost!), starting with a quick visit up the Colorado National Monument. Monuments are like the ‘minor league’ version of National Parks - not quite a grandiose, but they are still quite fun!

After that stop, we headed west to Utah, home to more National Parks than just about any other state. About a 90 minute drive and we were headed into Canyonlands National Park. The Park is home to a somewhat famous area called the White Rim Trail.

There is a primitive road around that canyon, which is popular with jeepers, mountain bike riders and hikers.

We got out for a hike after our lunch, fun but cold!! It was about 38 degrees, and cloudy.

About a mile of this hike and we made it to the overlook and it was worth it!

We spent the rest of the afternoon driving through the rest of the Park! Great fun!

Oh yeah, the broken finger — while at the Colorado Nat’l Monument in the morning, I accidently shut the back door on my left hand — Very Painful!! My fingers immediately swelled up, especially the middle finger; about twice its normal size. I didn’t faint, but we spent about 10 minutes debating a trip to the emergency room. After a while with an ice pack, we decided to go on with our day, and had a great time. I have a Dr’s appt today, I’m guessing the finger really isn’t broken, just smashed with a pretty big bruise (it is black and blue!). So I’ll live for another day!

When you get the parking spot closest to the store, it is a sign that you are supposed to be...

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 17:29:50 -0700

When you get the parking spot closest to the store, it is a sign that you are supposed to be shopping!

All I Don't want for Christmas...

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:52:24 -0700

Forget the list of things I wish I could get for Christmas, I want to make sure my family and friends don’t mistakenly think I might want some of these things:

1. The as-seen-on-tv “Forever Lazy” union suit. Yes, I am forever lazy, but I wouldn’t wear that even around my house.

2. Small, yippy dogs. They are just annoying. You should not have pets that you can carry around in a purse. A dog should be too big to sit in your lap.

3. Skis or ski poles….or anything else that involves playing in the snow or cold all day. I enjoy snow best when seen from the window of my home while sipping a latte by the fireplace.

4. Those small, decorative wine stoppers. I don’t drink that much wine, and it seems to me to be the ultimate in “I don’t really want to spend even a few minutes thinking about what you might like for Christmas.”

5. A ‘Smart’ car. You know, those squished little things you see on the road that resemble a golf cart with a hard top. Smart phones I like - smart cars, no.

Of course, if any of my children or friends have already purchased any above said items, I disavow any of knowledge of this list!

Well, I’ve been absent for a few days. Being sick does damage your goals, more than I...

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 05:56:17 -0700

Well, I’ve been absent for a few days. Being sick does damage your goals, more than I remembered. After a quiet Thanksgiving, I intended to do the ‘Black Friday’ shopping thing with a friend.

But instead I spent three days fairly incapacitated with a chronic illness. While being challenged for the past 25 or so years off and on, I had come to a very good part of my life where the chronic nature of the illness didn’t reign supreme in my life.

But this weekend it struck back with a power over me that had not been there for quite a while.

I’m better now, and trying to regain 3 days of my life - it is true that you only have today, and I am reminded of that when I try to recover and get all the things done that I had intended to do during that time.

So, back on track now, and expecting to be busy with this and other things for the rest of the year.

More later!

I am part of the 1%.

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 21:17:35 -0700

The turkey has been smoked and eaten, ball games watched, naps taken and the day is almost done. Well, not quite. My friend is driving in from out of town tonight so that we can do the Black Friday shopping - starting at midnight I guess. Or maybe we can wait until 4 am.

At any rate, I don’t think it is too late to say my general Happy Thanksgiving greetings, and make my list of things to be thankful for. Of course, my thankfulness does always begin with my sweet husband, my sons, daughters-in-love and my adorable and perfect grandsons. They are all #1 in my life!

And I’m thankful that I’m in the 1% - that is, the top 1% of the world. We often forget that while we may think we are less fortunate than others around us - that a few people make all the money while we slave for a minimum paycheck - more than half the population of the world lives on $2 a day. Not $2 an hour, $2 a day.

More than a billion people in the world don’t have access to clean drinking water - if there really are 7 billion of us now, that means 1 in 7 people in the world don’t have the privilege of any water near their homes, much less water that is free of disease.

So when I say I’m thankful to be part of the 1%, I mean it. I am grateful that I have a warm home, that my physical, emotional, spiritual and financial needs are being met. I don’t have to wonder if tomorrow I might not have anything to eat, no clean water or even that I won’t be paid for my day’s work.

I am thankful that my family has all those things, also. And I try to show my gratitude by supporting causes that help alleviate problems in my community and in the world. I know I am privileged - but, I don’t take it for granted.

I hope if you are reading this that you are in the 1% also. And you are grateful to be there.

Why do we eat what we eat at Thanksgiving?

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 11:07:00 -0700

I really like to eat. I mean really! I like to eat! Food tastes good to me, and it makes me feel good - if I don’t eat too much all at once! I like Thanksgiving, because we get to eat food we normally do not prepare during the rest of the year - except maybe at Christmas. Which doesn’t really make much sense - turkey is an inexpensive and healthy meat, and it isn’t hard to cook.

But some of the foods puzzle me - I wonder how we got on the tradition of eating things that we would never eat at any other time of year. On a recent TV show, they reviewed how cranberry sauce is made. Why cranberry sauce? Why not blueberry sauce, or grape jelly? The most popular type of fruit spread to go with peanut butter is grape - not cranberry. The rest of the year we serve our dinner rolls with butter or perhaps honey, but not cranberry. It only comes out of the can for Thanksgiving and Christmas. At least some people make fresh cranberry and orange sauce, but then you are left trying to decide - is it a salad or a spread?

Marshmallows on top of sweet potatoes? What is that - cheap s’mores?

And dressing/stuffing? How did this get started? If I get too much mayo on my sandwich bread and it gets soggy, I won’t eat it. Why do we eat cooked bread, soaked in broth and who-knows-what-else, and then cover it with more liquid, in the form of gravy? And what do you call it anyway? Dressing? Stuffing? And people put all kinds of stuff in it - oysters, rice, nuts….we wouldn’t get away with it any other time of year.

My mother-in-law made dressing from bread and other stuff, and then put lots of chili powder in it. She got the recipe from a neighbor in New Mexico when my husband was young. My brother spent one Thanksgiving with us, and hasn’t stopped talking about it yet.

I have my mother’s recipe for dressing, written in her own handwriting on a scrap of paper. It has measurements for all the ingredients, but at the bottom she has written a note, “I think this is about right. I’ve never made it that you kids weren’t in the kitchen bothering me with all kinds of things, so I just guessed at the everything.” I really cherish that paper every year when I get it out to make the dressing for my turkey.

I love most every food we have at Thanksgiving - and especially love when I have lots of family around the table to share it. And, I love the leftovers of the feast, which is more than I can say for food any other time of the year!

Results. Not intentions.

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:01:02 -0700

Well, I got one day into my blog-a-day-till-the-end-of-the-year goal, and already failed. There is a great saying about results - “Results - often harsh, always fair.” My intention was to write something everyday, but I let other things - important, or not - get in the way of my goal. Yes, I could justify every thing that I did and that happened to keep me from my goal, but the fact still remains…I didn’t reach the goal.

The wonder of grace is that it is new every day, if we will just take it. So today, I’m taking the grace offered me to start a new day and a new goal. And I’m going to work harder to provide (for myself) results, not intentions.

Thanks for reading!

My not-new-year's-resolution post.

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:20:00 -0700

Well, I’ve been a terrible blogger this year, and instead of waiting until January 1 to make a new year’s resolution, I’m going to start now by declaring that I am going to write daily until the end of the year. Mind you, they may be 2 sentence posts instead of essays, but a goal is a goal, right?!!?!?

So this is me starting today. It really is easier to think about writing daily during the holiday season because I have lots of memories of the holidays – and, even most of them are good!

Yes, it isn’t Thanksgiving yet – we seem to move more and more away from waiting the “appropriate” amount of time after the turkey has been digested to move into the Christmas season. Often growing up, the Thanksgiving holiday was spent decorating for Christmas, since that was the only time we would all be at the house at the same time.

When our boys were younger, we usually made it part of the day-after-Thanksgiving ritual to march up into the snowy mountains to cut the proverbial fresh Colorado spruce tree for our holidays. There is nothing quite like a fresh-cut, smells-like-pine tree to brighten up the house.

But that is another subject for another day!

For today, it’s the Monday before the annual day of Thanks and I’m thankful that there are mostly blue skies outside, my office is warm and I get to ponder things daily for the rest of the year!

We’ll chat again soon!

Bicycles have changed since I was 12

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 05:42:50 -0600

Last spring, on a Friday-morning-yard-sale stop, I flippantly decided to purchase a bicycle. While my sweetie has been a bicyclist for more than 20 years, I’ve chosen (up to now) not to participate in such athletic activities. I believe the last time I was on a bike was when I was about 12 or so, when we would ride aimlessly around town on a sunny afternoon, going from friends’ house to house to see what there was to eat or do.

I called Marc to come and get my fine purchase, since it wouldn’t fit in my little red sports car. He was exciting, thinking I was going to join him in pumping pedals across the desert. When he arrived, he took one look – paused for a moment – and then said, “well, it has new tires.”

After that he immediately started scouring Craig’s List for a “real” bicycle, not the 25-year-old “Roadmaster” I had paid the smart sum of $20 to acquire. In late July, he found me a “real” bicycle, a Gary Fisher mountain bike. Some kid had obviously outgrown the thing, and we got it for a bit more than my first purchase price.

Marc has worked to fit this bike with everything from new tires to a new seat and new handlebars. I’m not sure what is left that was the original bike before we created Frankenstein out of it.

We have been riding some throughout the summer, and recently I even rode my handsome “steed” around in the mountain bike mecca of Moab, Utah. I’ve discovered a few things that are different with biking this time around:

-Bicycle seats are hard…very, very hard. I remember my banana seat Huffy bike being a lot more comfortable. And amazingly, I have a lot more “natural padding” now, so I’m not sure why it hurts so much to sit on the thing.

-I don’t like helmet hair. Back in the old days, before we knew the effects of skulls and pavement colliding, no one wore a helmet. What a ridiculous thought. Now, they are required for everyone, and make a mess of your hair – especially in hot, sweaty weather.

-It isn’t enough to wear whatever shorts you have on, to get on your bike and ride. No, you have to have a certain type of “jersey,” gloves, padded shorts (they don’t help) and special shoes. I don’t like spandex and never have – I’m holding out for the baggy-pants style to come to bicycling and I’ll get some of those shorts.

-It is true what they say about not forgetting how to ride a bike. But there is a lot more wobbly riding now than when I was 12. Thankfully, I have not (as of yet) fallen down, but a couple of times I almost took out a fence, a car and Marc.

-A lot more of the world is uphill than you realize. Most of it, actually.

I’m still getting the hang of things after the 40-year hiatus, and maybe if I keep working all winter, by spring I’ll be able to do more than ½ hour at a time!

And many, many more.

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 09:36:26 -0600

I read this week that Jerry Lewis will no longer be hosting the annual MDA Telethon. He had been the mainstay of the Labor Day event since sometime in the 1960’s, but no longer. This concerns me only because of the personal significance in my life.

Labor Day weekend, 1982. I was sitting in my car in the drive-thru line at Tastee Freez in my hometown. Behind me was a school-bus yellow Volkswagen station wagon. I recognized it, because it was always parked at my parent’s place of business during the week. The guy who drove it worked for my parents. I had met him on several occasions at the Print Shop, when I would be in there seeing my folks, or doing paperwork if they were out of town. I had long since left working for them, opting instead to pursue a career path in nonprofit work.

He had said hello to me before; not the terribly friendly type, but he didn’t ignore me either. He knew I was the “boss’s daughter” and also knew who signed his paychecks. He was handsome in that French decent sort of way, dark hair, deep brown eyes, and skin that tanned very naturally. He was younger than me, which intrigued me; and I was older than him, which probably just bewildered him as to why I would talk to him.

I waved at him from my open window in the line and, when I had gotten my food, drove out. I stopped just beyond the drive-thru, got out and walked back to his car. I couldn’t tell if the look on his face was fright or delight. I asked him if he had plans for the evening, and if he wanted to come over to watch the Telethon for a while.

And as they say, “the rest is history.” We dated, (if you could call him doing laundry at my house on Sundays a date) and married on August 5, 1983. My father said at the time he didn’t mind that his daughter was getting married and moving away, but he sure hated losing a good employee. We’ve laughed a lot about that over the years!

A close friend lost her husband recently. At the memorial service, she said “Jim and I had a marriage. We didn’t have marital bliss.”

Marc and I could say the same thing. Marriage is hard work. We didn’t/don’t agree about things. We don’t see things in the same way. We don’t always like the same things.

But we love each other. And need each other. And complete each other. And after 28 years of perseverance I can honestly say he is my best friend, and I hope to spend at least another 28 or so years hanging around him. So happy You & Me Day my love, and many, many more!

Generation Gap

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 11:17:17 -0600

My father is 77 years old. He is active, still runs a printing business fulltime, still stands before a congregation every Sunday to deliver the Lord’s message, and spends lots of Mondays fishing at a local lake.

My father doesn’t always live on the edge of technology – even though he understands the need for it, especially in the world of print today. He has managed to learn to use his cell phone, albeit to his standards, not ours (he doesn’t always carry it around with him!). He has a DVR and cable box that he can program, and even a satellite radio in his vehicle.

However, computers have never been at the top of his “I need this” list. My mother is quite adept at computers, email and typing, and he has relied on her to provide any computer-generated data he needs. He believes (and probably rightly so) it isn’t necessary for “everyone” to know “everything.” They have made this work in their lives for 60 years, why change now.

However, a couple of years ago my father was diagnosed with macular degeneration – his eyes are slowing fading away and eventually he will probably lose his eyesight. Having worn eyeglasses since I was 5 years old, I get it – not seeing stuff sucks.

For his 77^th birthday, we (family) decided to purchase a Kindle for him, because he has always been an avid reader, for education and for recreation. There was a bit of discussion regarding whether this was actually a good idea (see above about computers); but in the end we decided to gamble and get it. We figured if he didn’t use it, my mom might enjoy it.

Mom was a bit apprehensive, but she set up the Amazon account and showed him which buttons to push to search for and download books. He chose a book, and I ordered the same book so we could read together and compare.

Well, he finished the first book, and ordered a second one without my mother’s help – she probably wouldn’t have even known if she hadn’t seen the Amazon email confirmation. Since then he has purchased other books, shared books with my brother, and generally operated the thing without much help from anyone.

Just as he has learned to use technology to suit him, my generation has done the same, as has my children and grandchildren’s generations. My grandchildren now ask to “facetime” with me, and if I hadn’t learned to text on my phone I probably would never communicate with my own sons. And recently, I read where IPad’s were being used to help people with disabilities to communicate better, and advance their careers and lives.

I’m glad that my dad has the gift of being able to read as much as he wants, and that my grandchildren’s world of technology will be much broader than I can imagine at this time. And me, well, I’m just hoping that soon I will be able to figure out how to get my photos off my phone and onto my computer!

And Now. A Man.

Wed, 04 May 2011 13:14:31 -0600

Within 3 seconds of him being placed on my swollen belly, he was sucking his fist. The Dr. said it looked like he had been doing that for a while now, even though he was less than one minute old. Born on a Friday - on exactly the day he was due. This would prove to be the last time he would be so compliant.

Growing into a somewhat accident-prone child for the first few years, and then into a would-be car thief (he could identify which was the car from a wad of keys by age 3…before the days of those big black things!), he eventually settled out to be a bright, opinionated and headstrong child who challenged us at every turn…and made me laugh in private, because he was everything I had hoped for and didn’t dare to let him know.

His life was a challenge, though I’m not sure he would admit that to anyone. His parents divorced, his sister died, and he had to share a tiny, cracker box bedroom with two additional brothers. But he persevered, making it through high school, college and into real life – thankfully, without making any major mistakes.

He might tell you his mother was the challenge – she was the flighty, spontaneous, ditzy, disorderly one, still trying to find her way in the world when he was young. He is the deep thinker, proper and linear in the way he does things. He and I clashed, sometimes many times a day… I wish in those times I could have told him how much I loved who he was becoming. He didn’t want to hear me, and I think I didn’t want him to know how desperately I wanted him to love me.

Luckily for both of us, we grew up.

And now, thirty-three years later (how did that happen??) he is a husband, father and business owner. His parenting skills are far more developed than mine were at his age, and yet he will undoubtedly be challenged by his offspring at some point – it is God’s way of keeping order in the generations of the world.

On the eve of his birthday, and with Mother’s Day just around the corner, I once again reflect on that tiny fist-sucking newborn and thank God that He gave me a chance to be a mother to such an amazing human being.

I love you, Christian – and maybe, just maybe, when you are as old as I am now, you will understand how much. Happy Birthday!

Test Post

Tue, 03 May 2011 10:14:11 -0600

I’m trying out a new style for my blog. This is a test.